Clara's Death
by xoOhMyStarsxo
Summary: When Clara decides it is time to return to Gallifrey, she faces a difficult conversation with Ashildr.


Clara walked round the console, running her hand over the edges of it. It was time. She'd known it for a while, she'd done everything an average human being should do and more, because she was more, she was much more than the average human being. The world was a better place for her being in it and that was all she had wanted, to be remembered and now she would not be remembered as the impossible girl, the enigma. No, she would be remembered as Clara Oswald.

She could feel herself getting bored over the last few years and bitterer, she was beginning to sound like Ashildr when they had first met and maybe Clara was giving herself too much credit but she felt like she had made her more human again. She glanced over at the girl who was sat on the sofa reading, another habit she had picked up from Clara. Ashildr was incredible, Clara had never felt anything like the love she felt for Ashildr, she was the only person that could make her regret what she was about to do.

Clara sat down next to her and rested her hand on Ashildrs knee.

" Ashildr" She said tentatively, her voice was wavering. This would be a horrible conversation.

" You're leaving aren't you ?" Ashildr stared straight ahead at the pages in front of her, she would not look at Clara's face. She needed to be strong, she would be alone like the thousands of years she had spent alone before Clara had saved her.

" How did you know that ?"

" I've been expecting it for a while, you don't sleep much anymore. You cry when you think I can't hear you"

" Ashildr"

" No it's fine Clara, it's really fine" Ashildr smiled falsely.

" Ashildr look at me please" Ashildr placed her book down by her side but still didn't turn to face Clara.

" Ashildr isn't there something the time lords can do ? They owe you, you had a big part in the Doctor and myself being separated and you'll be bringing them Clara Oswald"

" Late"

" Yeah but who isn't a bit late ?" Clara giggled slightly and ran her hand down Ashildrs cheek.

" I love you "

" No" Ashildr said bluntly.

" There isn't anything that can take away immortality, believe me Clara I've looked and it's fine. You promised me you'd stay with me forever but that's a big ask, I get that"

" Ashildr"

" It's fine Clara, fine" Ashildr shouted, tears began to run down her cheeks and onto Clara's fingers.

" I'm doing this for you, I'm becoming a bad person and I've done all I can do, more than I should have done. My time is up, it's been up for a very long time"

" Why doesn't this hurt you ? My chest is burning because you're going to leave me, why isn't yours ?"

" You don't know it's not" Clara took Ashildrs hand and placed it to her lips.

" You made me better Clara, you can't just go. You can't just leave me alone, I'll go back to how I was"

" No Ashildr, you have to be better than you were when we met, otherwise I've done nothing"

" Nothing ? You made my life better, so many people's lives better. The universe is a better place because you were in it"

" Exactly and that's why I have to go"

" Why ?" Ashildr pleaded.

" You can do more, you can always do more with an infinite life"

" My life isn't infinite Ashildr but yours is, do more. I can take you to Kahn, there are other immortals there, I think"

" You think ?" Ashildr scoffed, she dropped Clara's hand from hers and stood up.

" You don't even know for definite, but it's fine for you isn't it ? You won't feel guilt, you'll just die. Raven comes and you die, simple, gone"

" Don't talk about my death like that"

" It is that Clara, it's already happened remember ? It was magnificent then but now, it's nothing, it's cowardly"

" Cowardly ? Is it not cowardly to make me stay when I want to leave" Ashildr shook her head.

" You know nothing Clara, you have no idea what it is really like to live for so long. You're life has been easy compared to mine, you know nothing" Ashildr ranted and spat at her.

" And what will you do ? Leave me in a place that you hope is the best place for me" She laughed.

" No Clara and is it cowardly, things have started to not go perfectly for you and you want to die. It's pathetic, fight Clara come on. You would have for him, if he was here you wouldn't be thinking of death" Clara shook her head in dismay.

" You know this was our problem, you don't know anything about me"

" Yeah like what exactly ? Nothing that has happened to you can be worse than what has happened to me"

" You deserve to be alone Ashildr" Clara walked back over to the console and pulled the levers.

" Gallifrey bound" She announced, that hadn't gone how she expected. She just expected Ashildr to cry and she'd have to apologise a lot. But not Ashildr, Ashildr was not predictable and Clara should have known that, she still had so much fight in her, more than Clara had ever had.

" Have you tried to die before this ?"

" More than once, do you think I was that happy with the Doctor ? Pain exists wherever you go"

" I love you too, for the record" Ashildr smiled weakly at her. Clara nodded.

" I should hope so" Ashildr sank back down on the sofa, she could already feel it coming back, the darkness inside her and there was nothing she could do. She wanted to punish herself because like Clara said, it would undo all of Clara's work with her. What would she have left other than memories which would fade, like they always did.

A long time ago, back before Clara and her had even met, Ashildr used to cut herself for punishment and in one very dark time, she'd attempted to kill herself by drinking bleach. It hadn't worked of course but she still remembers how her throat burned and it felt like her organs were dying, she'd just fallen asleep for a bit. What would she do to herself now, now the love of her very long life was leaving her ?

" Please don't leave me" Ashildr begged.

" Please Clara, I don't want to feel the pain I'll feel when you're gone. If you love me, you'll stay"

" If you love me, you'll let me go"

" It's not fair, Clara it's not fair" Ashildr screamed and burst into sobs. Clara rushed over to her and held her tightly, tighter than she'd ever held someone before.

" I'm sorry"

" Yeah I know" Clara released Ashildr from her grip and sat back down on the sofa, she patted her lap for Ashildr to rest her head. Clara ran her fingers through her hair.

" I promise I won't leave you alone"

" What does that mean ?"

" You'll see"

When they reached Gallifrey Ashildr was asleep, exactly how Clara had planned it. The minute she stepped out of her Tardis, guns pointed at her and she raised her hands in defence.

" Missy, I need Missy. Where is she ?"

" Darling" Clara knelt down by Ashildrs head and stroked her hair once more.

" I have to go now" Ashildr nodded and sat up, she cupped Clara's face and captured her lips for the last time.

" Thank you, I didn't say thank you, for making me happy"

" Right back at ya" Clara smiled and pressed her lips forcefully against Ashildrs.

" You need to leave here, they'll take the Tardis"

" Why ?"

" I shouldn't have one, I'm not a timelord"

"But how will I get back to Earth ?"

" I told you I wouldn't leave you alone" She took Ashildrs hand and led her outside to be faced with Missy leaning against her own Tardis.

" Hello dear, I hear you're after another immortal"

" Missy" Ashildr smiled and turned to face Clara who nodded, they'd met up several times over the years and whilst Ashildr couldn't decide if Clara and Missy actually liked each other, Ashildr definitely did. She was undeniably crazy but she was passionate and a good person deep down, most importantly she was immortal or as good as, she was exactly what Ashildr needed.

" You'll look after her won't you ?" Clara asked, Missy nodded.

" It's been good to know you Clara, sincerely. I chose well"

" You did" Clara confirmed and turned back to Ashildr.

" Did I do OK ?"

" You did perfectly at everything" Ashildr hugged her once more.

" My Clara" She kissed her hand and walked away.

" I love you" Clara shouted.

" I love you too" She watched as Missy's tardis vanished and walked towards the time Lords.

" I'm ready now"


End file.
